|© 2006 Rabbi Barbara Aiello, All rights reserved.
1. Do I respect this person enough that I want to be more like him/her?
Respect is crucial in any relationship, particularly marriage. The litmus test for respect is determining if
you want to emulate this person. What qualities do you respect in this person? Would you be happy if
your child turns out like him/her?
2. If his/her personality and habits stay exactly as they are today, will I be happy 20, 30, 40 years
down the road?
Never marry potential. If you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married.
Don't expect to change another person. You'll be frustrated and they'll be resentful. Can you accept this
person exactly as they are, for the rest of your life?
3. Do we share common life goals and priorities?
Sure, chemistry and common interests are important. However, make sure you share the deeper level
of connection that comes through sharing life goals. To avoid growing apart after marriage, figure out
what you're living for while you're single and then find someone who independently came to the same
conclusion as you.
A soul mate is really a goal mate - two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's
purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
The majority of marriages today end in divorce. Those who answer "yes" to each of these 3 questions
have a good chance in succeeding to build a happy marriage. Those who cannot answer "yes" to all 3
questions are likely entering a marriage that will leave them disappointed, unhappy and single again.
From the Rabbi Kalman Packouz's weekly message
|IF YOU CAN'T ANSWER YES TO
THESE 3 QUESTIONS, DON'T MARRY
THE PERSON YOU'RE DATING
If you can't answer yes to these 3 questions
Rabbi Barbara Aiello